Bayang magiliw (beloved country)

Hello everyone. It has been a rather prolonged absence. I am really sorry about that. A LOT has happened since I last posted. I could make all kinds of awesome excuses, but instead I will just get to the interesting stuff. I have decided since there is SO much, I am just going to tell you about one new thing every new blog post and blog a lot. That way I don't have to write a 24 page blog post.

side note: Bayang magiliw is a line from the Philippines national anthem which I am a huge fan of (much better than the American national anthem). It is very catchy and I am trying to learn it in Tagalog.

So here is today's interesting thing:

Had my first (and possibly my last) Balut. It wasn't really that bad. For those of you who clicked on the link, it was much more like the last picture on the right. I learned there's actually different ages for balut. Usually the egg is allowed to grow for 14 days before it is boiled, but sometimes they let it grow longer and you get more developed chicks (like 18 days). That stuff is nasty. I did not chew the chick. I just swallowed it whole. My stomach knew something was up. It didn't feel bad, but it definitely felt odd for the next few hours. It also comforted me to learn that some Filipinos don't like balut. I didn't feel like such a wimp when they said they didn't like eating the chick either. The rest of it (mostly yoke and soup) is actually pretty yummy. It is a street food so of course I ate it in the dark on the side of the road. Here's a instagramed pic for your enjoyment.

And since I have done such a terrible job updating you in the past month, I will give you another one. Just today though. Because you were so good reading that first one.

June 12th is the independence day in the Philippines. As such, it is a national holiday and Jarvis, Saysay, and I took our day of freedom and went to La Mesa Eco park in Quezon city. It is a park which is by the La Mesa Reservoir. It was quite beautiful. It was a rainy day, but we hid from the rain and then took lots of pictures and videos. This is a little clip I put together of it.

Eco park on independence day from josiah meneghini on Vimeo.

 

Something I've been learning (the segment of the program where I tell you about something I am learning): There's certain points in your life where you are experiencing so much and learning so much that days seem to stretch into weeks. Time seems to slow down and you feel so much in very short periods of time. That has definitely been happening to me. I have been learning a lot and experiencing a lot. One of the big themes that has emerged from this experience is being ok with inadequacy. I have to start out by explaining the my 'research' has been somewhat of disaster. There were weeks were I didn't really get anything done at all. There was a plethora of reasons why it didn't work out like I was planning. Some of those reasons were because of me and some of them weren't. Regardless, I felt incredibly out of control of my situation and inadequate. I don't take failure well. This might be because I don't really do failure. If I feel like I am going to fail at something, I simply avoid it. Well, there's not a lot I can do to avoid being here in the Philippines and the work I am here to do. I have tried. I have avoided failure by trying to stay in the small world I have found here that I understand and can control. I have used my computer way too much to escape. I have hidden behind my money and skin color which gives me the ability to go to coffee shops and malls that feel more like America and where I can feel more in control. But in the end, God always brings it crashing down around me, which is an incredible grace. I have had to face things about myself and sin in my heart that I have tried to ignore for a long time. I have been challenged in my views on many things. But most of all, I have been shown that I put so so much of my value in my ability to perform. I feel good about myself only when I feel I am meeting expectations. That works great when you are in high school and trying to get into a good college. But when you apply this mentality to all of life, you get a disastrously unstable and insecure person. I am dependent on people's opinions of me and more importantly my opinion of other people's opinions of me. So as you can see this becomes a huge narcissistic web of pride and sin that is just waiting for God to bust it up and break it down. And that is what he has been doing. I have been listening to a lot of sermons by Tullian Tchividjian which have been really good for my understanding of grace. I have talked about grace and adoption and freedom in Christ, but I don't think I've really delved into the reality that I am COMPLETELY unworthy and that God could not love me more even if I was because He loves me with the love He has for Christ. The gospel doesn't make sense and literally goes against everything I've learned from the time I was born. You get everything for nothing and you don't have to pay it back? You are given it UNCONDITIONALLY? That doesn't make sense. And like Paul says, it can be downright offensive. But it is true. It is the best truth in the world and I am just starting to remember that and revel in it. So that is just a little of what is happening in my life right now. As promised, I am keeping this short and I will return... soon.

Thank you all so so much for your prayers and thoughts. I am absolutely sure that those prayers are playing a key role in my summer. It's not really something I've ever felt before. But I just know that there's a lot of people praying for me and that those prayers are making a difference (in some way).