Today's interesting thing:
I was in a real, live Filipino wedding! Not just I went and saw it. I was in it, walking in the processional. For real. Here's the story. Ate Dulce (her real name used to be Dulce Amore--Sweet Love for those of you failed spanish) was getting married and since she was inviting half of CCT, I got thrown in the mix. I had just gotten my Barong and dress pants from the Kaibigan center (I think I've mentioned them before, if not, Kaibigan is the Tagalog word for friend and it is the term they use to talk about homeless. It is an incredibly powerful homeless ministry). It was a traditional Filipino wedding which means lots of flowers and traditional dress and an all Tagalog ceremony. I was originally supposed to be an usher in place of someone who couldn't come (really bad idea for someone who has only been to 1 wedding in the past 10 years). Then, Ate Maricar (one of the directors of Visions of Hope, CCT's school) asked me to be a stand in cord bearer. The wedding photographers/videographers were really good. Here's a shot of me and Ate Maricar putting the cord over the couple.
The veil that the couple wears symbolizes the authority of the man over the woman (you will notice that it is only on his shoulder but over her head). This is placed on first by the veil bearers. The cord (it looks like a rosary in the shape of a figure 8 with a glass rose at the center where it crosses over itself) is then placed over the couple to symbolize unity and infinity of their love. There was a lot of people involved in this wedding. And then at the end they took pictures with all of them. I felt really weird standing next to the groom whom I had just met that day and taking a wedding photo with him and several other people. That is until I saw that they take pictures with everyone. Even the ushers. They like pictures. The food was DELICIOUS and there was singing and some games at the end. It was a lovely wedding and it is kind of hard to really describe, so I'll show you some photos:
It was a wonderful service and very touching. I think I might have almost cried even though I couldn't understand a word of it. May God bless Rey and Dulce in their life together.
How I became a little more Filipino:
This is a new segment of the program that I am introducing to tell everyone just how pinoy I am becoming.
- Last weekend, Saysay taught me how to wash my clothes by hand, and I washed all my t-shirts that I didn't trust to the laundry shop. They came out quite well even though Saysay laughed at how I scrubbed. They smell really good too. I felt very accomplished hanging up my clothes to dry on the balcony of my apartment.
- Today a guy walked into the communications department (where I work in the office) and just started asking me this long question in Tagalog. Ate Keren came to my rescue, but I was flattered that he assumed I knew Tagalog and that I don't stick out so blatantly that he didn't try to talk to me in Tagalog (actually, Kuya Arvin said that before he heard me speak, he thought I was a Fil-Am [Filipino American]. He said if I spoke Tagalog, people would mistake me as being part Filipino. That made me really happy)
I have a fantastic brother in Christ who is doing his internship in Malawi (in Africa) right now. This studly man is Andrew Carey, and he shared with me an article that we read a couple years ago in one of our community development classes. It is actually an except from a letter that Thomas Merton which is published under the title, "A Letter to a Young Activist." I was just going to link the whole thing, but it is so good and so short that I am going to post the whole thing.
"Do not depend on the hope of results. When you are doing the sort of work you have taken on, essentially an apostolic work, you may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect.
As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself. And there too a great deal has to be gone through, as gradually you struggle less and less for an idea and more and more for specific people. The range tends to narrow down, but it gets much more real. In the end, it is the reality of personal relationships that saves everything.
You are fed up with words, and I don't blame you. I am nauseated by them sometimes. I am also, to tell the truth, nauseated by ideals and with causes. This sounds like heresy, but I think you will understand what I mean.
It is so easy to get engrossed with ideas and slogans and myths that in the end one is left holding the bag, empty, with no trace of meaning left in it. And then the temptation is to yell louder than ever in order to make the meaning be there again by magic. Going through this kind of reaction helps you to guard against this. Your system is complaining of too much verbalizing, and it is right...
The big results are not in your hands or mine, but they suddenly happen, and we can share in them; but there is no point in building our lives on this personal satisfaction, which may be denied us and which after all is not that important.The next step in the process is for you to see that your own thinking about what you are doing is crucially important. You are probably striving to build yourself an identity in your work, out of your work and your witness. You are using it, so to speak, to protect yourself against nothingness, annihilation. That is not the right use of your work.
All the good that you do will come not from you but from the fact that you have allowed yourself, in the obedience of faith, to be used for God's love. Think of this more and gradually you will be free from the need to prove yourself, and you can be more open to the power that will work through you without your knowing it.The great thing after all is to live, not to pour out your life in the service of a myth: and we turn the best things into myths. If you can get free from the domination of causes and JUST SERVE CHRIST’S TRUTH, you will be able to do more and will be less crushed by the inevitable disappointments. Because I see nothing whatever in sight but much disappointment, frustration, and confusion...
Our real hope...is not in something we think we can do, but in God who is making something good out of it in some way we cannot see. If we can do His will, we will be helping in this process. But we will not necessarily know all about it beforehand..."This is a perfect explanation of what I have been feeling all summer. I am essentially useless. God can use me if he wants, but me trying to go out and 'do' anything on my own in development is a laughable concept. And honestly, this is probably one of the biggest reasons I want to do development. Because it forces you into a position of humility and reliance on God. I am a very arrogant and headstrong person when it comes down to it, and I need a vocation that is going to be constantly crushing me and forcing me to rely on Christ.
As Merton says here, it is so easy to put your identity in your work (especially when you doing humanitarian work). I have definitely done that through my 3 years at school. I am THE com dev major (cdv = com dev = community development). I love it. That is what people on campus think of when they think of me. The weird kid who longboards around in board shorts and is a com dev nerd. That has been broken down a lot since I've been here. When I came in as a freshman, I wanted to spend a break as a homeless person on the streets of chattanooga to experience what they experience (yes, I know, lots of problems with this plan). Walking by the homeless lady who daily begs from me on the steps of Vito Cruz station makes makes poverty a lot more real. There's no glamour in it here. It is fine to want to be homeless in a city where you have friends and know the area. But when you are truly isolated and in a new place and powerless to change things, you realize it is much less glamorous than it sounds. Over the past few months, I have been more alone and powerless than I have ever been in my life. Actually experiencing those emotions which are everyday life or the transient homeless brings my freshman idealism down to earth. Smelling the urine on the sidewalk every day and interviewing people who have 3 teeth left and flies feeding on their bleeding toe makes you think twice about leaving your mayaman (rich) lifestyle.
So if poverty fighting isn't this romantic cause and I my best efforts will produce little to no effect, what is the point of everything I am and everything I have been pushing for in my life? Well, that's when you are forced back to what Merton closes on: Christ. You have to realize that your ONLY value lies in Christ. You have to come empty handed to the kingdom before God gives you tools to work on his magnificent palaces. Merton talks about this need for humility: "Our real hope...is not in something we think we can do, but in God who is making something good out of it in some way we cannot see" Out of our humility and emptiness can come true faith. This is the faith that is talked about in Hebrews 11 (Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen). Once you are assured of your value and fulfillment in Christ (faith), only then are you free from these idols we put up in our lives. It is only then that you can you give up your idol of proving yourself and can give up your need for the poor to give you meaning. That is when we can "simply serve Christ's truth."
Thanks Andrew for sharing that and sorry for the lecturing tone. I write like that because it is what I need to hear. In some ways, this blog is more for me than for you.
Prayer requests and joys:
- My research is going somewhat well, but there is still a LOT of work that needs to be done. One of the big problems at the moment is clearness of communication. My translator (AB) and I are trying to find ways to get clear stories from the people we interview. This ranges from recording the interviews to changing our interview questions to finding good people who will allow us to interview them. Please be praying that we are able to both genuinely care about the people we hear from, but also get the information we need
- Time management: I have never been very good at this. It is always kind of a weakness and it is hitting me especially hard here. Every day looks different for me and so there isn't much structure which is difficult for me to deal with. Please pray that I am efficient and effective in using my time
- God has been working so much in me. Seriously. I think the theme of this summer is probably going to be humbling. Pray that this continues and that I am able to see my sin more clearly and then look to Christ, but also to then look outwards. There's so much need here in the Philippines and one of the natural responses is to desensitize yourself to it because you can't take it. Pray that I would not do this. I want to be able to feel for the people here and channel my emotions into my work and turn it into a deep dwelling passion for the those that I serve. I am learning a lot about my idol of serving the poor. It is pretty ugly. So praise God for what he is doing and pray that it continues
- I went out with some friends from work for dinner a little while ago and I had to leave early because I was going somewhere early in the morning. I found out later that they got into a car accident later that night. Their SUV got hit by a bus and flipped over several times. Luckily, everyone is safe and no serious injuries. Thank God that they are safe and that I was spared any potential harm.
- My body has adjusted to Pinoy time and food (sorta)! As you may remember, I was having some difficulty with this before. Praise the Lord of all timezones.
- I had to have my power cord replaced for my computer
- Present mindedness: this is a big one. Throughout my entire time here, it has been a temptation for me to escape via internet and friends. This is becoming worse as I am thinking about coming to the close of my time here. Pray that I am able to focusing on where I am and that I live fully in the present. There are great relationships here and I don't want to miss out on them.
Something else that you should know about:
So there's this woman I happen to know who is the most gorgeous and wonderful woman I've ever met. She has a passion for the gospel and a passion for middle school girls (the first one I love and respect, the second one I just don't understand). Miraculously, she happens to be my girlfriend. Emily is going to Scotland for a year with Mission To the World (MTW), the Presbyterian Church of America's (PCA) missions organization, to run the youth group of Kilmallie Free Church in Fort William. Kilmallie is a large (for Scotland) and thriving church but they don't have anyone who can do full time youth ministry. Emily happens to have minored in youth ministry and has a gift for working with young teens. So naturally, they decided to team up. Also, incredibly exciting is that the public schools in Fort William are open to having my burgeoning missionary girlfriend come and share the gospel in the classrooms of one of the most secular countries in the world (crazy right?). The only thing preventing her from going is the money. She's already at 70% of the funds needed but she's fast approaching the deadline for raising the rest (her goal is to be there in August). So, check out her blog and consider supporting her.
Thanks for reading this whole thing. Here's a picture of an adorable little Filipino boy at an savings group meeting:
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